The Land Before MRA
by Eogrus
Summary: After defeating the Reapers in space, Rebecca Christiana Jasmina Xaila Rodrigues Diogo Velazquez returns to the time of the dinosaurs, in order to destroy feminism before it arrives! Will she succeed?


My Tumblr friends really liked the last commission, so they commissioned another one! There were some mean people saying bad things, but they were probably feminists anyways! Hope you enjoy! I'm not an MRA, but this chapter has been the funnest to write!

Work Text:

Hello again. I'm Rebecca Christiana Jasmina Xaila Rodrigues Diogo Velazquez, the greatest MRA agent to ever live, and in case you missed, this is what went down:

- I killed Elsa the whore snow queen

- I lead the war against Moana the polynesian nigger pussied cunt

- I summoned Putin and destroyed the Reapers, freeing the galaxy from their femnazism

But the war against Moana only became worse! She and her army of canoes, femnazi lesbo water elementals and spears destroyed most of our forces in the Pacific, and indeed all of Oceania except for western Australia. I fear that soon she and her feminist armies will overrun the entire WORLD! Even after the defeat of the Reapers, there is only so much hope as the space reinforcements arrived to aid her putrid lesbian empire. Now, we righteous MRAs are in a dozy, and we must find alternative methods to win the war.

I and Putin were overseeing said methods in our base in Iraq. I was wearing a pink bra with holes to show my underboobs, a transparent gown to show off my body, a pink tampoon to just cover my pussy, black fishnet stockings, purple high heels with images of dead women on them, extra-slut pink lipstick, dark blue eye shadow, sparkly make up and I was wearing my hair in a bee hive, with tons of condoms and GamerGate posters on it.

"Your excellency Putin, your project has been completed!" said Ughsocialjustice (AN: ughsocialjustice dis is u!1).

"Excellent!" said Putin righteously and MRAly, "Your services are now rewarded as they should."

Putin then took out a gun and shot Ughsocialjustice in the head, because we musn't leave loose ends and compassion is for feminists and sjws according to the MRA. The curtains then fell, and revealed what it was being worked on...A TIME MACHINE!

"Bekie, you must jump into the time machine and go back in time to the earliest of eternal history, so that the feminists will never appear!" said Putin wisely and sexily.

"I will, my master!" I said sexually and lustfully, kissing Putin's gonorrhea lips with much pleasure.

He then patted my pussy, and I jumped sexily into the time machine. I never learned how to pilot because complex machinery is out of reach for women according to the MRA, but there were tons of pictures like in children's books so I knew what to do. I clicked in the button with a huge arrow saying "GO BACK IN TIME BUTTON WHICH IS TO GO BACK IN TIME" and a huge blue vortex began to sorround the time machine...I WAS GOING BACK IN TIME!

"Now lets see, when did feminists first evolve?" I asked quizzically to myself, we must always develop split personality disorders according to MRA.

So I checked a meter with posters saying "THIS IS WHERE YOU PICK THE DATE YOU WANT TO END UP WITH, THE NUMBERS REPRESENT MILLIONS OF YEARS AND THE FLASHING LIGHT MEANS YOU GO THERE" with a helpful picture of a naked lady pointing the breasts at the date I must choose: 65 million years ago. I did so sexily, and the vortex began to vibrate the ship, and large dildos appeared to fuck me in all holes because I'm a woman and I must know my place according to MRA.

"MAKE A SANDWICH WHORE" shouted the communicators, as it was a simulation for me to serve men.

I did so and all the dildoes came black oil in my holes, and I arrived at my destination. It was a huge exotic jungle, completely uncivilised and full of dirt and animals, things that must be killed according to the MRA, lest the femnazi pagan goddesses take over.

"Ugh, no wonder feminists first appeared here, this place is disgusting!" I said preppily, smashing a small rodent mammal with my high heels. Dis-fucking-gusting!

I walked like a model - like I said in the first story, women must always walk in whoreful poses according to the MRA - sexily as I made my way through the Great Valley. Many leeches stuck to my skin, but I took them off and began to suck them like dicks, so they barfed my blood back and I drank it with much pleasure. I walked and walked until I saw some disgusting creatures with scaly skins and feathers.

"Aren't those, like, dinosaurs?" I said to myself sensually.

"Yep, we sure are" said an ugly looking creature with a long neck and eyelashes like those of a whore, ",and I don't think we've ever seen a creature like you."

"Are you some kind of sharptooth?" asked an even uglier creature cowardly, small as a lizard and looking like one too, but with a penis-like headcrest, a duck bill and an annoying voice like that of a kid shot in her sleep.

"No, you fucking moron, I'm, like, a human!" I said, stomping the ground with my high heel. I really wanted to kill those bastards, but first I needed to understand their motivations. They could be the first MRA, for all I knew.

"A hyooman?" said another stupid demon creature, with membranous wings and a vulture neck.

"No, a human, stupid!" I shouted righteously, "God, it's like you're morons on purpose!"

"Sheesh, no reason to get mad!" said an ugly purple baby Tyrannosaurus, which made me slightly happier because T. rexes are the epitome of masculinity.

"Just leave her, she'll probably kill get herself eaten by a sharptooh" said the ugliest and most disgusting of all the creatures, an extremely dyke lesbo orange Triceratops with one horn on her nose.

I knew for sure she was the first femnazi, and I had to convince these poor, foolish creatures to stop her maniacal domain.

"Look, I knew we started off on the wrong foot, and I want to apologise" I lied sexily, I didn't mean one word I said.

"See, I knew she was good" said the ugly long necked abomination, who had a masculine voice so I was pretty sure was a fag, which means I'd eventually kill him too, "I'm Littlefoot, this is Ducky, that is Petrie, the one who I talked to is Cera, that is Chomper, this one's Spike and that one is Ruby."

"So whats your name, pretty lady?" said Ducky, she was very annoying and worthy fo death, but I martyred myself and restrained my impulses.

"I'm Rebecca Christiana Jasmina Xaila Rodrigues Diogo Velazquez, but you can call me Bekie for short."

"Well Becky, do you want to play with us?" asked Ruby, she was probably Cera's dyke lesbo lover, since she was nearly as ugly as she was.

"Indeed, and I just thought of a game you might all enjoy."

I then lay sexily on the grass, and I took off my clothes, saying naked and sexually. I gestured Chomper - the manliest and least evil of the bunch - to come to me, and he did. I raised his leg, exposing his avian cholera cloaca, full of guano crusts and maggots eating at the skin. I licked it with much pleasure, and he moaned accordingly like a mutant kangaroo triturated by scizzor blades of woe. His boudacious crocodile penis (AN: you should totally see them, they're very sexy) came out and I sucked with much pleasure, and because he was a virgin and a sauropsid to boot - reptiles, including birds, cum faster than mammals, I knew this because Putin made me have sex with his pet goose - he ejaculated his precious manly seed into my open easophagus with much delight.

"Wow, what did you do? That was AWESOME!" said Chomper naively and inoccently of masculinity.

"I did a little game called sex, it's something males do to females, you put your weewees in all their holes and dump cum into them. One thing you must know is that women are your playthings and cum dumpsters, you must treat them accordingly."

They all nodded with excitement, and I was full of pride at myself for being such an eloquent and good teacher, but my pride went away when Littlefoot began to mount Spike.

"What the FUCK do you think you're doing!?" I shouted angrily at the sodomite reptiles.

"Well, you said we put our weewees in holes to dump 'cum', so I decided to follow my heart and do that to Spike" Littlefoot said rationally, even though he should be hanged for it.

"No, you do that to WOMEN, you fucking moron!" I roared menancingly.

"Well, why? Is there any reason why we should do that to females?" said Chomper quizzically.

"Well, because if you do to women you'll make babies! That means it's only right to make with women!" I said righteously.

"But what if we don't want to have babies? You said this was just a game, so we should be able to play with whoever we want!" said Littlefoot stupidly and evilly.

"I don't want to have babies, so I will play only with males from now on!" said Chomper smugly.

"Y-you can't! You'll objectify males, you fucking faggots!" I said righteously and condemningly, as teached by the MRA.

"Well, we all want to do this, so this isn't objectication, no no" said Petrie disgustingly.

And befrore I could protest forward, Littlefoot was fucking Spike, Petrie was sucking Chomper's dick and Chomper was sucking Spike's! In my attempt to get the males to mistreat and abuse women as they should, I unwittingly created a faggotry orgy like the likes of Sodom and Gomorrah, my greast failure because I almost reached pure success. As if to add insult to injury, Ducky and Ruby began to make out, and Cera looked at me satanically, knowing everything and how I failed, rubbing it on my face literally with her destesful, tumorous pussy. I relented, and licked back, because I tried one last ditch attempt at objectification of women as I titilatingly had sex with Cera.

Instead, the males only came harder, and had the more incentive to fuck each other again and again. I was fed up, so I took my high heels guns and shot everywhere! I fucking blew off Littlefoot's brains, I shot Ducky in the beak, obliterating her carnicerous jaws, I destroyed Petrie's chest, I pulverised that fucking traitor Chomper's dick, I bursted Spike's knee caps and kept shooting them all until they were nothing but femnazi bloody paste. Then I turned to Cera, who was scared like the cowardly pussy she was, and tried to run away, but I took out a knife and carved out her cancerous vagina, spreading carcinogenic flesh all over the grass as I cut off her tumours.

"PLEASE STOP!" she cried pathetically and whorily.

"No chance in hell, you little slut! You will pay for your sins you will pay for being A FEMINIST!"

And with a final move I shoved the knife up Cera's cloaca, cutting her belly open and letting her guts fall off. I left her to slow die on the grass, and I walked away, posing sexily as I made my way naked to the center of the Great Valley, where the adults were. There, the parents of the ugly Littlefoot, Ducky, Cera, Petrie and Spike were having a meal of disgusting salad - real men only eat meat, veganism is for femnazis - and discussing politics. I walked in sexily, dancing like a whore and climbing to Grandpa Longeneck's neck, using it as a strip pole.

"My, what a manly silverfox, maybe you'd like to stop gorging yourself in the devil's food and do my pussy" I said sultrily, rubbing my putrid vagina on the throat.

"Excuse me, madam, but please get off my neck" politely said the old fart, which made me hate him even more.

"My, then maybe you would be the lucky man to eat me out" I said to Tops, getting off the ugly sauropod and jumping to the Triceratops' nose, fucking myself with his horn with much pleasure.

"Where are the kids?" asked Spike and Ducky's ugly dyke mom stupidly.

Then something evil and blue came flying this way.

"THEY'RE ALL DEAD!" screeched Petrie's ufgly mother evilly, "THIS PYSCHO CUNT MURDERED THEM ALL!"

"WHAT!?" said everyone obviously. They're so fucking stupid.

They then all run in to the murder site, myself fucking Tops' horn with much pleasure, to convince him to objectify women. They saw my carnage, and saw the remains of their faggot children in shock, weeping at their loss.

"Cera, my baby!" cried Tops as he nuzzle Cera's still warm corpse, my leg touching her disgusting nose as I kept nose fucking him.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, don't tell me you're a sentimental fag" I said righteously and rightfully indignated, "Unless you're talking about not being able to fuck her, in which case I agree."

He then got MAD - what an unreasonable retard! - and threw me off his nose. I flew all the way in the air whorily until Grandma Longneck captured me with her jaws and laied my body right above the vengeful, angry dinosaurs. I knew I was going to die, but thankfully I would die as a true martyr and inspire the MRA movement for generations to come.

"YES! TURN ALL YOUR RAGE TOWARDS WOMEN, KILL ME AND THEN GET REVENGE ON ALL FEMALES!" I encouraged righteously.

"No, only YOU are an evil psychopath, only you will suffer!" shouted Tops faggotly.

Then then stomped me to death, breaking all my bones, pulverising all my flesh, smashing my face and finally my brains were spashed with Ducky's mother ugly cancer feet. I died, and I was free from the space and time continum, so I went to check on the present. Surely my brave actions altered the flow of time, surely my evil example brought shame to all women and endless justification for male supremacy and MRA patriarchy.

Alas, it did not.

You see, dinosaurs became extinct, so even if I affected how they perceived gender, they all died and with them any chances of feminism never evolving. So, I didn't affect the present at all. I didn't save MRA at all, Moana's army marched on, took over Oceania, then Asia. Putin's base in Iran was hijacked, and he was executed by Moana's blades, ending Men's Rights Activism for once and for all.

My spirit was utterly broken, and a black darkness portal opened, and I was sucked down to hell, where I was forced to watch Emma Watson's speeches for ever and ever and ever.

The end.


End file.
